.: the MARY PUMPKINHEAD experience :.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

This morning I woke up in the middle of a dream about our old house. It's not an old, ancient house. What i meant is a house we left several years ago due to financial matters. Anyhow, this house in my dream was in an unfamiliar place where there was fake snow (it wasn't styrofoam) all around and several kids here and there. From the outside, it didn’t look like our former house at all and I didn’t have an inkling that it was it. Then I saw a kid open the door and I curiously went inside. Before I knew it, I was standing inside of our old house and it felt like I just got home from school. Everything still looks the same although I knew that there were new residents already. I impatiently went to my room. I even tripped because I was in such a hurry. Knowing that someone else has already been occupying my room, I hesitantly took a peek inside. I saw that my room was more or less still the same except that the closet was removed and there are a few add-ons such as a table. The wallpaper was still as good as new. Then, I went to see the master’s bedroom and in front of the door, I was blocked by a man probably in his late twenties who looks like he just got off from a shower. He doesn’t even have a shirt. Weird. Well, it was a dream after all. Anyway, I went outside only to see what looks like an abandoned garden. And then I woke up and the dream left me a feeling of great longing for that old house of ours especially for my room. That room wasn’t simply a room for me. It had become my "cradle" at the lowest point of my life where the hassles of adolescence, financial and family problems felt like this huge baggage I had to carry alone. In the middle of all those crises, my room somehow gave me a sense of security and peace of mind. But then time came when we had to give up the house and move out. Although moving out really felt bad, it wasn’t so hard to recover from the grief. One reason is we moved back to the house where I grew up as a child which is not so nakakapanibago after all. We gradually recovered financially and maybe that experience only taught us that material things aren’t that important. Even if we lost our house, our car, some properties, we realized that we still have our family and a place to call home.


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